Friday, February 4, 2011

I Want to be Beautiful

I admit it. I really want to be beautiful. Unfortunately, I sometimes let this desire torment me as I compare myself to others. My sinful nature takes this desire and turns it into insecurity that puts a shadow on God's love for me and my love for others.

Why did God give me this desire? Maybe it was the best incentive for me to strive for the gentle and quiet spirit he wants for me. For the past several weeks, my prayer each morning has been for God to give me a gentle and quiet spirit as talked about in 1 Peter 3: 3-6.

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear."

A few weeks ago in Sunday school, our teacher asked what God was teaching us right now. He called on me and I said with a smile, "to be quiet." Ramiro chimed in a cute remark (I don't remember exactly what it was) but something that showed his great surprise to that revelation. Of course it gave everyone a good laugh. It was probably such a surprise, because although I start out with good intentions and a sincere heart, my sinful nature comes out way too often. As everyone who knows me can attest, especially those closest to me, I do not have a gentle and quiet spirit. I am passionate - I have robust thoughts and feelings that want to come out, sometimes at the most inopportune times. So those that I want to be the most beautiful for, see me at my ugliest.

Yesterday I visited Julie Goolsby, a friend who has that beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. I went to her for tips on organizing my day with my kids. She had no idea that God was working on making me gentle and quiet. When going through her books to find ones that she wanted to loan me, she gave me one that had "meek and quiet spirit" in the title. I know this was not a coincidence. This was God saying, "you're praying the right thing every morning, now let's work on it." Julie reminded me of another one of my favorite passages in Phillipians 4: 4-9.

"Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I say rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

Fear seems to be the poison here. 1 Peter references fear as a contrast to beauty. Phillipians 4 gives the remedy to that ugly fear and anxiety. This medicine is the daily dose I need to become beautiful.

How I want to cultivate this Godly beauty so that it can be seen by others! How I want to teach this to my sweet Hannah!

I'm so thankful to my Lord who put the desire to be beautiful in my heart and for his Spirit living in me that will give me the power to do so. And I will continue to pray each morning for that gentle and quiet spirit.


Post a Comment